Way
Past Due
“Good
afternoon, sir. How may I help you?”
“I have an overdue item to return.”
“Oh my. According to our records, your item is 312 days overdue.”
“Well. . .yes. Every time I started to return it, I thought about by wife and how I would miss the nightly you-know-what if she left me.”
“Nightly, Mr.
Jacobs? Like in every day?”
“Do you have to say that so loud? This is a library, after all.”
“Sorry. I’m new here; well, newer than 312 days. So why are you returning it now?”
“I got remarried.”
“Congratulations. How long has it been?”
“That I’ve been remarried?”
“That is what we’re talking about isn’t it?”
“R-right. 124 days.”
“You’ve been remarried for 124 days, and you’re just retuning it now?”
“Well, I had to make sure the marriage was going to work out. I wouldn’t want to be in need with no possibility of…you know.”
“Why don’t you just buy a new one to avoid the fine when you return the rented item?”
“They’re expensive. Plus, if I borrow one, a charge won’t appear on my credit card statement. The new wife watches for odd stuff like that.”
“Well, I . .. Do you clean it on a regular basis?”
“Most of the time. I have to be careful, not being certain about how the new wife will react if she finds it.”
“So you only use it when she’s out of the house?”
“Not
necessarily. She’s a sound sleeper.”
“Do you know if they make similar dolls for women?”
“Wouldn’t you know?”
“Oh, I don’t go into the sex toy section. I would die if someone saw me and started telling everyone. There is another possibility. I could borrow yours. It says in the description it’s unisex, correct? Nobody’s missed it so far. What’s a few more days.”
Jim Harrington
Jim
Harrington lives in Huntersville, NC, with his wife and two dogs. His stories
have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, Ariel Chart, Flash Phantoms, The Yard,
Free Flash Fiction, Short-Story.me, and others. More of his works can be found
at https://jpharrington.blogspot.com.